Focusing Too Much on Others

I am going to be straight to the point, because I need to get this off my chest. The feelings of being disappointed again and again can cause a disease, called depression. You know, people are different in so many ways. People have different approach when it comes to contacting people. People have different characters that affect their behaviour when interacting with other people. Even though characters are like buildings which means that they can be built and influenced by the environment, but I guess personality plays important role in shaping someone’s behaviour.

Have you been in a situation where you all of a sudden feel bewildered by the changing of some friends’ behaviour to you? You  have been wondering why they change out of the blue to you. You will be asking yourself ‘ What have I done wrong?’. ‘ Have I made them mad? which part?’. ‘Why didn’t they tell me if I had done something wrong’. ‘ Haven’t I said sorry? but why can’t they seem to forget it?’ and all that jazz of questions. The point is that you are blaming yourself for the change unconsciously. I am often stuck in such situation, and it doesn’t feel good at all. Thanks to the good shiny cool weather today for giving me a culmination time until I finaly come to THIS POINT where I need to stop being stucked in the situation.

It goes without saying, that nobody’s perfect. I am one of them. One of traits I have been proud of is being friendly, and caring to others ( even sometimes some think I may not  be caring enough, but like I said, I am not perfect. However, I believe most of the time I am a caring person.). I learn something from this situatuon, which I hope I will remember and I will really take the good side of it. What I have learned is that some positive traits I have, if not used properly, can turn to be a boomerang for me. In other words, they can turn to be negative to me. Soon, if I did not realize it, the positive traits would turn to negative and would add up to the negative traits which I have already had (come on! everyone has always negative traits). What would I become then?

I never say that one is not supposed to focus on others. We all have to, otherwise there would be no peace at all in this already chaotic world. However, my mistake was on the proportion! Here are my own analysis, when I have turned to be someone who focuses TOO MUCH on others:

1.You keep wondering for hours, days, months, years why your friends who have been kind to you, all of a sudden turn to be cold, mean to you. The thing is you have already tried to contact them to ask for some clarifications,  but you know it feels like they do not welcome you.

Your positive traits you should maintain  : Asking for some clarifications (whenever you mark something is wrong.)

A big warning of mistake : You keep on wondering why things you have done to fix things, do not change anything.

My resolution                 : Let them go! It just means that they actually do not really care about you. Why bother contacting such friends or people? You are wasting your most valuable time. Do something else,and shrug happily while saying ‘Ah Okay, May God bless you!’ So yes, instead of cursing yourself or them. Send them a good karma by whispering some prayers!

YOU WILL WIN because you have tried to fix the situation, and you have sent the good hopes and prayers. I believe you will be showered with good things.

2. You are always showing that you care about their feelings, and offer some helps again and again, and by doing so you are hoping they will always talk  to you because you like the feeling of being IMPORTANT, being WANTED:

Your positive traits you should maintain : Caring! It’s wise to be caring, but it’s wiser not to care too much. You are always trying to be there whenever someone needs you, that’s what friends are for.

A big warning mistake :I think it’s normal when you want to feel important, because it shows you respect yourself. Instead of saying ‘ I am nothing’, you tell them ‘Hey, I am something, not nothing’. Being important is intergrated as being wanted. A saying says that ‘If you are important, your coming is always wanted by friends’ for example. You do not want to be WANTED because you are not a criminal, are you? I was just kidding. But these two words ‘Important’, and ‘want’ shall not kill you because they absorb you to the wrong direction.

My resolution : When you show you care, it’s better not to hope anything from them in return. All of a sudden, I remember those brave-hearted volunteers who work, say, for humanitary organization, charity organizations. Will they hope those, say, homeless kids be caring to you back whereas they even do not have anything to give you?  not even a smile because they have been so depressed with their life that they find it hard to smile. No! when you do some good deeds, you are not supposed to hope something in return from them. You do it, because you know it’s the right thing  to do. It makes you feel good. And what about the feeling of wanting to be important for others? YOU WILL WIN and FEEL HAPPY when you can give the best you can. Please remember the saying ‘The giver is better than the taker’. I know, it is not about winning, but it’s more about making your life less stressful because you do not get what you expect you will get. You can feel important and wanted by trying to let them go, if they do not even care to you! LET THEM GO!. When you let them go, it does not mean that you stop caring! it just means that make another plan in your life, do something you like other than bombard them with those sweet caring words, just to make them change and say secretly ‘Oh you are important’. Believe me, you are an important person even without them saying that. And, GIVE SOMETIME FOR YOURSELF, you know like ME-TIME moment.

3. Forget sneaking through your facebook, Whatssup, BBM, Twitter, and all the like, just to check their statuses,whether they say something to you, whether or not your messages have been replied and so on and so forth.

My resolution : Well, when it comes to social media, it’s a kind of dilemma to me. They are somehow good, and important in my case. Whatssup for example, I need it because it’s the fastest way to contact with my family who live in Indonesia while I am here in Germany. And speaking of Facebook, I have managed to limit my visit frequency there. Social media is a source of happiness today, but it’s also a source of all disaster. Imagine, few years back without them! I  think life was much easier, and less troubles caused by misunderstanding from statuses, the changing of photo profile, and all the like that do not seem to be direct.So, if you focus too much on social media, CUT IT OFF! BE AWAY from them for sometime. They can ruin your mood! I myself set the notification messsages off on my Whatssup, for example. I will only check them when I open my cellphone. Believe me! Forget those social media most of the time does help!

4. Write blogs like me, or on a piece of paper about the rules about this topic, and follow them!I It’s a miracle how those thing work in helping you  feel happy by not focusing TOO MUCH on others.

Remember these :

  1. No matter how hard your life is, a true friend will always be there for you.
  2. A few friends is better than the whole bunch of friends.
  3. Focus on what you have now and be thankful.
  4. Send good prayers to those who have done something bad  to you.

I hope this will help us make our good traits ‘Focusing on others’ become the source of our happiness!

Good day!!
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