I’ve been recently re-evaluating my days I spent with my family, most especially our little Princess, during the day. For some nights, I often think how I have spent my time with them. The questions about whether I have done the best, made some mistakes, should’ve been stricter or all that jazz spin aorund my head. No, I don’t have a special agenda to jot down all of those questions, which I think it is necessary NOW to have one. I know I have a baby book that can be used up to the baby reaches 2 years old, but blame me myself that the procrastination has become my big enemy. Now that I remember about it, I will make an early new year resolution that I will sum up the days I have spent with my family, most especially of course our gorgeous little Princess on that special agenda which I can use for re-evaluating, reliving moments. The book that someday my daughter (or my kids) would love to have for the best reference of LOVE and DEDICATION.
Being a mother of a spirited genius brilliant daughter is more than I have ever imagined to have. It’s THE GIFT God has given us, most especially me who suffers from some illnesses. I have to admit that I sometimes miss my freedom like spending time a whole lot at bookstores, or crafting until I run out of ideas because I have put them all on one crafting project. I miss taking a walk without thinking of going home soon because I need to do some siesta.
But every time I remember these:
1. Some people who are not blessed with kids while actually they are wishing for one or two..
2. Some people who have lost their kids for some reasons I feel hard to mention…
3. Some homeless children who do not even know their parents…
4. Some children who have lost their parents for some reasons I feel like a burden when I tell you the reasons, you know like my heart pounding so hard that everyone could hear it..
5. Some unwanted children by the most irresponsible monster parents I ever hear…
I feel so blessed being ‘given’ a daughter of my dream, our dream.
Being a mother …
1. has made me feel better in so many ways. At least I am trying to be a better one, learn from the mistakes I have made because even though I am a mother, I am also a human being.
2. is the most precious job I have ever had. The dedication of the time, the energy, the pure love and the soul can never be found in any work fields. A mother always thinks of her children no matter how tired she is, no matter how sick she is.
3. means lose a lot of freedom. I can’t really do whatever I like because there is always my little princess (even if the kid is already grown up, I am pretty sure every mom will always call her daughter ‘My little daughter’)around me.
4.means dedicating all what I have to give her the best.
5. is full of tears of sadness and happiness. I have to admit, being a mother of a spirited genius daughter has bumpy roads. There are ups and downs, there are some moments when I feel like tearing my hair out. The moments that end up with me crying because some moments are just too hard to handle or laughing because my princess has pushed my giggle buttons so hard that I laugh out aloud.
6. means a lot and a lot of patience. If anyone can tell me where to buy it, then I AM NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO BUY it or more precisely I DO NOT WANT TO BUY IT. It’s because patience is needed the whole time you are dealing with kids (toddlers), and you are not going to be able to buy it even if you own a country. It is not easy to be patient sometimes, especially when your kid is trying your limit. All I need to do is giving myself a TIME OUT to take a deep breath and gather positive energy to be able to be back again with so much love to give.
7. means a lot of work, multi-tasking. I often hear people say:
‘You are a mother, not even of two. But you say you are ‘busy’? that’s nonsense. You have a lot of time to relax.’
I have got to stand on the side of mothers who feel offended by such remark. I just do not fancy such remarks that underestimate mothers either a working mom or even a stay-home mom, or mom with one or more kids. A mother is a mother. FULL STOP. Even being a mother of one, a day is full of activities. II feel the need to tell you how busy a mom can be. Every day either dark day, or bright one is always started by : ( at least these are my time-table)
- Preparing breakfast for the family or most especially our Princess. Every mom knows that a kid can spend so long at the table that you feel like rushing her again and again to finish her food: ‘Come! we are running out of time! finish it’
- My Princess will go to kindergarten in August, so the activities may change, but for that I am going to update to stand on the side of mothers who are not appreciated for being a stay-home-mom. So, the breakfast’s done, including cleaning all the mess.
- Going out for shopping groceries or books, toys (nothing really for me)or playing in the playground for one hour or two.
- Going home, and preparing lunch time.
- Having lunch
- Cleaning the home a bit while my toddler sometimes insists me on playing with her. Of course she can play alone, but aren’t you happy if your toddler wants you to play with her? YOU ARE IMPORTANT, you know that?
- Napping time for one hour or two. OK, while she is napping, I sometimes take a nap to recharge my energy, but sometimes I clean the kitchen a bit.
- Waiting for her dad to come from work while I am preparing dinner. Then dinner’s ready! I choose to read her books instead of playing with my cellphone.
- Papa’s home! dinner time. Then…
- A bit of playing, and we have to do the night routines before bed: like drinking milk,brushing teeth, going to the toilet, reading a good night story.
- Then it’s already 9 PM when I have time to reply important emails, and do other important stuff.
How can someone say that a stay-home-mom doesn’t have anything to do?? I will never comprehend that.
8. has made me love people even who detest me for whatever reasons. I do not want KARMA to happen to my daughter. Life is too short to detest them back. I have so much love to give, I have been asking for forgiveness and I have forgiven. I think by having this positive attitude, my love to my daughter will be more and more. And later, she will grow up as a loving person.
9. means being selective to what you are doing. If you read my time-table, and you feel like you are doing it too, you know that the only free time you have is when your little one is already sleeping soundless. You won’t waste the time by doing things you think are not worth doing because you know that the next morning, you have to ‘go’ to work again. Yes, my daughter is my employer. I am not getting paid for what I do, but I am giving what I am capable to do for the future of my daughter. In the end, I hope happiness will have to repay me.
10. means that I have to stay alert EVERY DAY, every TIME. So yes. it’s timeless that I have to be alert to what happens around my daughter.
11. means that I learn my own weaknesses and strengths. I am weak when my toddler is being wacky or throwing tantrums of seemly no ending at all, but at the same time I gain my strengths to control the situation with love.
12. means that I have to make sure I am ready to be there for her when she needs me. I know that in some cases, she has to be cooperative with me too, but I want her to know that no matter what I am ready to be there for her.
13. means that I am loved for who I am, TRULLY. While some people detest me for whatever reasons, and I feel the negative aura they send, my baby loves me unconditionally. It is NOT UNREQUITED LOVE. I am loved, I am accepted, I am given hugs and kissed lovingly. And I feel the positive aura every time I look into her eyes, hear her giggles, receive her hugs and abundantly sweet kisses while saying ‘ I love you Bunda’.
14. means that for the most part of my brain is full with the thoughts of her.
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.