The room where my baby and I stayed for the next 5 days was located on the fifth floor of the ‘Kinderklinik’ if my memory serves me right. The days and night there had been rough, and full of tears and fears. For every second of my life I witnessed my baby being placed ‘ONCE AGAIN’ in the incubator, but this time was with higher blue ray light. It was more intense than the one in the maternity hospital. ‘ONCE AGAIN’ the only time I could hold my baby was when she needed diaper change, and to drink. Not only did she struggle in the battle of being healthy, but I did mine too especially regarding my milk supply, and it was rough.
One day, a lactation consultant suggested by the ‘Kinderklinik’ came to me to talk to me about the problem of my milk supply which was low. I felt happy for I had someone to talk to, even though I really had no idea where to begin to tell her the reasons of my low milk supply. How was I supposed answer that question when the lactation consultant asked me that on the first place of our first meeting?. The lactation consultant asked me to note down how many ml of milk supply I could produce every day and every period of time during the day. I did not make any dramatic progress on my milk supply. Here were the suggestions :
1. Pumping, pumping and pumping ( I think I needed to pump because it was not possible to take my baby out of the incubator too often or without the nurse’s permission.) so in order to keep the milk flowing, I needed to pump it. I pumped whenever I could while I kept on hearing this ‘Beep’ sound coming from the incubator. When my baby moved, I heard this ‘BEEP’ sound.
2, Drinking 2 or more litter of water a day. This was a bit difficult as I was not used to drinking 2 litter of water or more a day. But I forced myself! I drank many glasses of milk, some cups of breastfeeding tea, and two bottles of mineral water. My stomach felt full of water, and I felt like my breast was full of milk. I went to pump, and put the milk in a special bottle for mother milk provided by the ‘Kinderklinik’. I put a name tag on the bottle, then I handed it to the nurse to be kept in the fridge. and whenever my baby needed it, the nurse would give me the bottle for her. There was this stressful scene whenever I handed my bottle with my mother milk inside as a result of pumping it. The nurse opened this special fridge full of bottles from other mothers who were staying there too. Oh my God! what I saw was a jaw-dropping scene, the bottles were all full with mother milk, you know when I said FULL means like 200 ml, 150 ml whereas mine was only 50-60 ml. But, I had done my best, and thanked God for the progress.
3. Eat a lot. I remember asking my husband to bring me some honey, and he brought me these little jars of different kind of honey. He is such a patient person!
I remember of some nights when I could not sleep, or when it was just still early to go to bed, I stepped outside on the balcony of our room to take a deep fresh air while looking up above the sky and praying that God would take away her jaundice.
I remember shaking every time some doctors who handled my baby came to me and told me the news every mother would not want to hear: that there was no significant progress of her jaundice being dissappear.
I remember trying to be strong and not to cry for I did not want my baby felt what I felt too. I believe in mother-and-kid connection feelings. You know, it’s like when a mother is sad then a kid can feel it too or vice versa, especially when the kid was just still a baby, a pure angel like her.
I remember receiving a message from a dear friend telling me that she would be OK.
I remember talking to my dear sister far away in Indonesia on the phone. She is a mother of two now, one then. We were both cyring, but she gave me some spirits.
I remember one day, one night: a doctor came to take a blood sample of my baby. This time she would be injected on the forehead! I could not help but crying. It must have been hurt as I could hear her cry on the otherr room that night while I was staying in my room.
One DAY, one FRESH MORNING, six doctors came in. I was prepared for the good news. I was wondering why 6?? It was dramatic! It was scary. I was told by only ONE doctor that OUR BABY COULD FINALY BE HOME WITH US!
I was crying, and oh my I am crying as I am witing this. THAT NIGHT, after the news, the very very GOOD news, there was no more this sucking incubator anymore in our room. The view now was MUCH AND MUCH better! The incubator was goone, and the baby bed was already in our room, and yes with our baby slept soundless there. That night, she was thirsty. I hugged her, kissed her, breasfed her while I was in tears of happiness. I looked at the sky from the window of my dark room. I saw some stars sparkling, oh yes I remember witnessing a clear sky that night. I could not wait to see my husband the next morning. He would pick us home!
Sayang, we can go home tomorrow! I have prepared your bed, it is nicer there. I love you!
I thanked GOD many many times over! It was indeed a battle of Three: My wonderful strong baby, my patient and loving husband, and I
Today, our baby is 2 years old! Truth be told, she has never been sick up to the time I am writing this. I hope she will stay healthy forever. She is a smart and energetic kid. Anyone who knows her knows that I am not exagerrating. HAPPY BIRTHDAY dear!
PS for all mothers: Jaundice is indeed a normal condition for newborns, but when it does not disappear soon, then your baby needs some medical examination. Jaundice can be dangerous!!